How to get the most from therapy

Therapy is a considerable commitment of money and time. So how can you get the most from your sessions?

Find the right therapist for you

There is good evidence that the strength of the client-therapist relationship predicts how well the work will progress. Put bluntly – you need to like your therapist. More than that, you need to trust that they can ‘hold’ you, hear you and support you.

This doesn’t happen by magic. First, it happens because you ‘audition’ a few therapists to check out the fit. Generally, when looking for a therapist, people consider price, availability and what the therapist looks like. That’s a good start, but it’s not a lot to go on, so arrange to speak with a handful and see who you feel drawn to. Most therapists offer a free initial conversation so you can get a sense of who they are and how they work.

Next, once you have picked a therapist, be alive to how the sessions feel. This can be hard, especially if you struggle to trust yourself or your judgement. If you can, though, tune into what your body is telling you. A whiff of the wonk? Vote with your feet and go work with someone else. Again, easy to say, and harder to do when you have already begun to tell your story, but get the fit right at the start and you will save yourself disappointment later.

Commit to weekly sessions

Some therapists will work fortnightly, or even monthly with clients. I don’t, for many reasons. Anything less than weekly can become a catch-up, with not enough time to get into deeper work. Or, if we do move into deep waters, we then won’t meet again for at least two weeks. That can leave you feeling unsupported, with difficult or painful ‘stuff’ opened up but not adequately attended to. It can also drain all the momentum out of the important work you’re doing. And it is important work – so give it the time. You may struggle to feel you deserve the attention or the investment in you. Taking up space may be something you find difficult. Be reassured that you deserve it. Honour that initial decision to get help by coming every week. By doing so, you will be signalling to yourself that this work matters and so do you.

I always recommend that you come weekly for at least six weeks, then we can review the work. If you then want to take a break, you can. The regularity of the work is important.

Take care to manage online sessions

Online therapy has many benefits – convenience being a big one. You don’t have to commute to the therapy rooms for an in-person session and you can work with a therapist from anywhere in the country, or even the world.

When it comes to getting the most from online therapy sessions, though, keep a few things in mind. In-person sessions require that you literally step out of daily life and into a different place - the therapy room. This is a quiet, neutral space, boundaried by four walls which can contain whatever you bring. Going from the 'out there' of life, to the 'in here' of therapy allows you to move into a more reflective psychological space.

With online sessions, the temptation is to squash them into a lunchbreak or tack them on to the end of a busy day. Of course, if the demands of your life mean in-person sessions would prove impossible, it’s wonderful that going online can make therapy do-able. Ideally, though, give yourself a 15-minute window before the start so you can get in the zone, think about what you’d like to address or muster your reflections from the last session. Then, at the end, take some time to let the session sink in. You might even journal a few thoughts or jot notes on your phone. Remember - therapy takes guts. It requires going towards your pain, not away from it, and that is difficult. Allowing some time after each session to gently process its content, and readjust to the world, is a sensible, compassionate move for yourself.

Think practically, too, when working online. Do you have a quiet and private space you can go to for the session? Can you be overheard? Do you have reliable Wifi? I recommend clients replicate the experience of an in-person session when working online as much as is possible – right down to dressing appropriately, finding a stable base for your laptop or phone, and turning all other notifications off so your 50  minutes is uninterrupted.

Check your motives

Are you in therapy because you want to be, or because your partner thought it was a good idea? Or your mate said it had changed her life? Check your motivation. The best reason to be in therapy is because you want to be. Willingness to engage is all.

If you can, ponder what you would like to get from it, too. Therapy is not magic. It is not a quick fix either. Being able to articulate your hopes and share your expectations with the therapist can really help you gain the most from the work, and ensure you and your therapist are on the same page.

Explore some psych-ed

Most therapists are happy to offer some psychoeducation, which is to say, some information around psychotherapy theory, including useful models or helpful techniques. If that interests you, and it’s not part of your work so far, ask. Therapists can also recommend books or podcasts, if you want to read and know more.

I offer a free 15-minute initial consultation over the phone or online. Please email me and we can set something up.