How to approach an initial call with a therapist

You have identified that you might like some therapy and put together a shortlist of possible therapists. Now what?

Most therapists – including me – offer a free, initial conversation. Usually, it’s restricted to between 15 and 30 minutes. It’s a good idea to set up a couple of these, so you can ‘try out’ more than one therapist and see who appeals to you.

Starting therapy can be taxing – sifting through therapy directories, reading different profiles – and also vulnerable-making. That's why it can be useful to know what to expect from that very first call, so you get the most from it, and are able to choose your therapist with confidence.

The purpose of the call

This is your chance to share with the therapist what is going on for you. You can explain a little about what brings you to therapy, and what you are hoping to get from it.

You will get a feel for the therapist – how they sound, what they look like (if on Zoom) and whether you warm to them.

The therapist will share information about how they work, how they can help, when and where sessions take place and how much they cost.

What you might ask

You may have no questions, and just want to talk, or you may have all kinds of questions.

You might want to know if the therapist has worked with people experiencing similar feelings and life events as you; their qualifications and how long they have been working as a therapist; their availability.

You might want to know what therapy feels like, how long it might take, what will happen in the first session. Initiating therapy can feel nerve-wracking and exposing, so tune into what is coming up for your around this process, and feel free to bring this up with the therapist.

If you have had therapy before, keep in mind that the new therapist you’re talking to may work in quite different ways. Check out any assumptions you may be carrying with them.

What the therapist might ask

Why now? What has changed so that you are reaching out at this moment?

Is this your first time to have therapy? What have you found when you have looked into your problem previously?

Do you want to meet online or in person?

What the therapist should do

It is the therapist’s job to boundary the call and explain what it’s for. They should be clear about how long it is, what they need to know from you and what they are going to tell you.

The therapist only needs to get a sense of your key worries, and should not give you space to open up in too much depth. This is so that you are not left feeling exposed at the end of the talk, having brought up things that you both now don’t have time to address properly. This is not a proper session. It is simply a chance to meet, learn about each other and discuss next steps and options.

And finally...

If the call has felt good, you can book a first session, but you don't have to. You can take time to think, perhaps mulling over these questions: did the therapist put you at ease but offer a hint of challenge? Did you warm to them? Can you picture talking to them for longer? Did anything put you off or bother you? Did you feel safe and held on the call?

Remember that settling in with a new therapist takes several sessions, and not just a 15-minute call, but it's a good starting point. If this first conversation feels right, and goes well, it may be the start of something positive, supportive and genuinely transformative.

I offer a free 15-minute initial consultation over the phone or online. Please email me and we can set something up.